Things have been kinda tough this week. It all sort of came to a head today...broken dishwasher, piles of dishes that I'm too weary to clean (diagnosed w/ strep), no energy to rally the troops to clean....[ok I lied, I do care enough to edit out some of my ramblings which I did here]
As I lay on the floor in the midst of the mess tonite trying to get my weary body and soul some rest, I listened to my precious little girl read one of my favorite chapters in the Book of Mormon. This verse -- not usually one that I notice -- grabbed my attention.
I Nephi 17:4
And we did sojourn for the space of many years, yea, even eight years in the wilderness.
Tears immediately sprang to my eyes as I realized it's been eight years. Eight years this month since my chronic health stuff started. It was hard not to feel that this was a little nod from heaven with an accompanying message:
"I know. It's been eight years. And I know. It's hard."
The next verse also spoke to me.
"And we did come to the land which we called Bountiful, because of its much fruit and also wild honey; and all these things were prepared of the Lord that we might not perish."
There's more than one reason this verse is meaningful, but I was struck by the phrase about things being "prepared of the Lord that we might not perish."
And I thought about some of the things in the last week that may be my fruit and wild honey.
I think of the prompting (now I know it was a prompting because of my positive strep test) that I got last Friday to get a doctor's appointment. I really wasn't sick enough to do that on my own; I really didn't feel that much different (if at all) than I feel on just a bad health day.
As I became concerned that maybe I had argued with that prompting too long, and maybe something terrible will go wrong because I delayed, I listened to the words of the blessing my husband gave me as he laid his hands on my head. He spoke a message of peace. I have to hold onto that, and hope that God knew me well enough to know that going to a doctor without symptoms was not going to happen in a day. I hope He prepared against my weakness. Nephi and his arguing with the Spirit about Laban also came to mind. Sometimes promptings just don't "make sense."
But I feel I learned a little better what a prompting feels like for me (I'm always working to refine my ear to hear God's voice). It was a quiet, out-of-the-blue thought, one I would not have come up with myself, not in a moment of worry or fear. It was in pondering that that I finally decided I needed to act on it, even if nothing were to come of it.
Another tender mercy in all of the mess is that because of the crazy leak, I finally called to make some claims on our homeowner's insurance -- and found out about that fact that our premium had not been paid. We would have found out anyway, but it got the ball rolling and also got me to make the other claims for water problems we've had elsewhere.
And the broken dishwasher? Well, it's just made me grateful for dishwashers. And for the counsel to have food storage. My storage includes a supply of paper and plastic goods that are now stocked where clean dishes usually go.
I know I'm rambling, but I'm too tired to do much about it. I just wanted to record some of the blessings I am seeing in the midst of my little wilderness right now.